“Knock Knock”
DAD: I’m knocking to respect your privacy Son, but I’m walking in without waiting for an answer to assert my authority while you’re home for the weekend.
SON: Well, I’m pretending to text someone rather than make eye contact, thereby undermining your pathetic attempt to assert your authority.
DAD: I’m not mentioning your grade point average, because I promised your mother I wouldn’t ruin the weekend.
SON: I’m storming out of the room and going to the pantry!
DAD: I’m following you, because I don’t want to let you have the last word!
SON: I’m violently rummaging through the pantry in search of something!
DAD: I’m now openly seething! You are RUINING my obsessively organized pantry!
SON: I’m taking this whole case of Campbell’s Chunky soup with me to school. Because it’s delicious and the dining hall is gross!
DAD: I’m going to let you because even though I’m steeped in disappointment at you, I don’t want you going hungry!
SON: YOU GIVING ME THIS SOUP IS THE GREATEST SHOW OF AFFECTION YOU EVER GAVE ME! I LOVE YOU!
DAD: I’M TEARING UP! SO I WILL WITHDRAW IN A HUFF!
SON: FINE!
DAD: FINE!
SFX: Doors slamming.
VO: Campbell’s. It’s amazing what soup can do.
DAD: (through gritted teeth) Your disrespect to your doting mother is making me grind my teeth so much I have a jaw cramp!
SON: I’m using body language to communicate my profound dislike for you right now, and I’m using eye-rolling to tell you to leave already before any girls see you.
MOM: I’m now desperately changing the subject before your father explodes by handing you this case of Campbell’s Chunky SOUP!
DAD: AT THE RISK OF APPEARING AS THOUGH WE’RE CODDLING AN UNGRATEFUL OFFSPRING, WE’RE GIVING IT TO YOU BECAUSE WE KNOW IT’S YOUR FAVORITE! AND YOU CAN SAVE SOME MONEY BY HAVING IT FOR DINNER!
SON: I AM MOVED BY THIS GESTURE! IF OTHER PEOPLE WEREN”T AROUND I’D HUG THE BOTH OF YOU!
DAD: LETS BOTH PRETEND TO LEAVE WITH AN AIR OF INDIFFERENCE.
MOM: WE LOVE YOU!
SON: AND THIS CASE OF SOUP SHOWS ME THAT!
SFX: SLAM DOOR
VO: Campbell’s. It’s amazing what soup can do.